Never News: Pumpkin Spice Newsletter

[You find yourself walking down a dirt path through the black, dense woods. Somewhere behind you, you can hear a bell tower tolling twelve, lonely tones - midnight. Why did you come here, anyway? It's hard to remember. But just now - what was that? A shape flitting across the moon, gone before you could understand what you were seeing. But returning your gaze to the path before you, suddenly you realize you're not alone. There, against the dark, is a shape - someone is waiting for you.

Where can you go - into the woods, back down the path? The truth is, there's nowhere to go but forward. In fact, you realize that something is luring you, leading you helplessly toward that cloaked figure before you. As you approach, the stranger lowers the hood of her cloak, revealing a pale, sallow face, red eyes, a mouth covered in blood...]

What's up gals and ghouls? It's my favorite time of the year, and I have already felt the dark energies return to me and reinvigorate me for another century of life. Awesome! But while I wait to reach my true power under the light of the full moon, I am duty-bound to bring you this week's installment of Never News. So let's get into it.

Some Internet aperitifs...

First, I've compiled some resources that are accepting donations to help communities affected by Hurricane Helene. There's lots of options for those who are able to send some money along, and if you've got the means, I suggest donating.

In Internet news, Telegram is back in the headlines to majorly bum you out. An examination of something I still simply refuse to understand: the viral trend of joining a run club. A deeper look at how social media algorithms affect the spread of misinformation. Just a helpful list of ways to fix eye strain, as someone who has to use blue light blocking glasses all the time (the joy of entering my 30's). To you lonely fellas out there...ever tried joining the Free Masons?

And now for the main courses...

THE CUT: the history of "fall vibes" culture online

Okay, fine, I chose this article at least IN PART because it was an excuse for me to use an image from Over The Garden Wall. But! It's not without purpose. This piece does such an exacting job of examining how autumn is anticipated, celebrated, and documented on the social Internet, and how that has changed over the years. As eagle-eyed readers will surely recognize, I love articles that dig into ubiquitous online experiences and offer a more specific chronology and encyclopedic understanding of it. This is one of those articles - a delight to read during peak season of "fall vibes" (sorry), even if you're more a Christmas person.

SHOW NEWS: State of podcasting roundtable and more to come!

As of today (!!!), we have an excellent conversation between Senior Producer Hans Buetow and three makers and thinkers in the podcast space — Mia Lobel (Freelance Cafe, fmr. Pushkin Industries), Lauren Passell (Tink Media) and Ronald Young, Jr. (Weight For It). They perform a health check on the podcast industry, to see who it’s working for, and who not. Hell yes! And lo - there is even more exciting content coming your way TOMORROW for you glamorous and delightful members - extended segments of "What's Going On Here?" and Mike's convo with Know Your Meme's Editor-In-Chief Don Caldwell. Want to join as a member? Head to neverpo.st and click "Become a Member" and get that sweet, sweet BoCo.

THE WASHINGTON POST: The fresh hell of the "ballet body"

A warning: this article discusses weight loss, disordered eating, and body image

To be fair, this article doesn't go nearly as hard against this new body image trend as I just did. But it does examine the cultural metrics — and in this case, the emergence of drugs like Ozempic — that dictate what kinds of physique are popular on a large scale. It's a useful read for someone who may be watching in horror (as I am) as certain trends from, say, the 2000's are gleefully leaping back into popularity. As one might expect, the prevalence of a certain body type has everything to do with the expansive visibility of a certain kind of look, and, as the piece expands on, we are exposed to an endless stream of the kind of "woulda coulda shoulda" content that can create a desire to look a specific way. A tough read but, in my estimation, an important, context-giving one.

CURRENT AFFAIRS: Capitalism torches creativity, as usual

In this article, we start with the movie that never was, Coyote vs. Acme — a Loony Tunes film that, despite performing extremely well to test audiences, was shelved in the deep recesses of WB's vault seemingly forever. But this piece takes that example and expands it, looking closer at the way that capitalist structures would often rather let an exciting project fester than release it to the public in a way that isn't overwhelmingly financially beneficial. It's one of those topics where I read about it being like, "well, duh," but it's also still a comfort to see it spelled out before me. The system is rotten, but I'm grateful that we can at least point to it as such (and maybe one day force its hand to improve, though that may be too much to ask).

And thus we have once again reached the end of the biweekly installment of Never News. I hope you are all donning your witches hats and taking to the skies on this, the ookiest spookiest time of all. I have about 8 billion scary movies to watch this month and costumes to plan, something that could stress me out if I wasn't propelled forward by untold dark forces that have kept me young and strong for hundreds of years. But as it stands, I'm full of unimaginable power!

More next time. Ciao for now!

But before you go, this classic: