Never News: it's 11:11 somewhere

[Today, shockingly, we find our narrator not crawling out of a grave or summoning the dark energies beyond the veil, but in the grand entryway of her home. There she is, teetering at the top of a step ladder, dusting the curled arms of the large, elegant chandelier that hangs by a gilded rope from the ceiling.

One by one she lights the candles — there are no electric lights in the house — and, in a quick, decisive movement, leaps from the ladder and lands noiselessly on the floor. Absentmindedly she swipes at the sleeves and skirt of her gown, brushing off the cobwebs that cling to her from her work. As she re-adjusts her hair, she finds a small black spider trapped in one of her tresses, plucks it out, and eats it.]

Heeeeyyyyyy! Welcome to Never News, the every-two-weekly newsletter that I, Producer Georgia, write for you with my own two, precious hands. Don't mind all that up top — I'm just prepping for next week's episode of the show, which will be a Halloween spooktacular the likes of which you have never seen before! Halloween is my favorite holiday and mark my words I will make that everybody's problem!

But that's neither here nor there. On to the news!!

Some Internet aperitifs...

There's a new social platform for all you "podcasters, ‘it’ girls, artists, scribblers, memesters, and scenesters" out there. Kamala Harris reveals herself to be a Formula 1 - and specifically Lewis Hamilton - fan. The "boo basket" cometh, announcing another way to perform parenthood online. Birds can...talk? Cracks continue to form in the Mr. Beast empire. Thoughts on the "great wealth transfer" that is impending from Boomers to their Millennial children. And finally...THE NEW YORK TIMES IS TRYING TO STOP ME FROM TEXTING ON MY COMPUTER >:(.

And now for the main courses...

GRUBSTREET: Table for two at the AI restaurant

I was so glad to see this article pop up on my feed this week, because this is something we at Never Post have been talking about a lot — namely, the growing prevalence of completely fake, AI-generated restaurant accounts on Instagram. Despite being fake, these IG profiles boast tens of thousands of Instagram followers. And they court more attention through, crucially, posting photos of food that is meant to go viral, like the Moo Deng-shaped croissant above, which is also AI-generated. What's more unsettling is that the people who make these fake restaurant accounts on social media are a shady bunch, with nobody able to figure out who they are or why, exactly, they're doing this. This is one of those things where I look at it and go, "now I have this to worry about?!"

SHOW NEWS: Ext. cut of "Vulnerableposting" with Brooke Erin Duffy!

It may often feel like our feed is an endless trove of untold treasures and now is no exception! For members we've got an extended cut of Hans's fascinating conversation with Dr. Brooke Erin Duffy about the performance of vulnerability online. Plus, we've got extended cuts in the works on segments for next week's episode, segments you don't even know about yet!!! Joy and luck abounds! If you want to join in on the fun, you know what to do — head to neverpo.st and click "Become a Member."

DAZED: Natural disasters and the content mining machine

It was difficult to choose just one article about the Internet discourse around the recent devastating hurricanes because there is...a lot of pretty awful stuff going around. But this piece from Dazed does a skilled job of examining an especially upsetting trend that surrounded online conversations around Hurricane Milton — specifically, that influencers are using it to create controversial or shocking content meant to boost view count. These videos often include the influencer themself, refusing to evacuate their home (in the case of Caroline Calloway, pictured above) or, in one instance, documenting themselves kayaking in their own living room after the hurricane tore through their house. It brings me no joy to say that I have a feeling we will be talking about this kind of trend a lot going forward.

Here is a list of resources to donate aid for hurricane relief efforts across Florida

THE CUT: Angel numbers aren't so holy after all

I am a pretty witchy person, though angel numbers — the belief that repeated digits like 111 or 555 have hidden meaning — never grabbed me. And now, it appears as though the very person who made them popular in Western pop culture has since declared them to be, and I'm quoting directly,"garbage." The belief that numbers have significance isn't new, but Doreen Virtue, a former spiritual teacher-turned Christian YouTuber, is the person who popularized it as a modern movement (the very same movement that she now disavows). I'm fascinated by the ebb and flow of pop-spiritualism, and it's certainly rare to see a founder of something like this come out so publicly against the very thing she promoted.

That's all from me on this installment of Never News. The next time you hear from me, it'll be the day before Halloween — a joyous time for ghosts and ghouls and a last minute costume slapped together with stuff from your closet! But more on that next time.

For now, I leave you with this, which has been stuck in my head for days.