Never News: It's Charli, baby

No dramatic intro today because…I can’t believe I’m saying this…but there’s more Charli XCX news. Like….like there’s so much……When I tell you it took quite a lot of restraint from me to not make this week’s newsletter *only* about Charli news…....

Don't worry about the fact that I sent this slack message at 10:41 PM, okay?!

Anyway, let’s begin. 

In the wake of Biden stepping down from the Presidential race, Kamala Harris’s team has gone full “brat mode,” prompting what I can only describe as “exactly what it feels like trying to explain what I do for work to anyone over the age of 60.” 

Elsewhere, Humble Games just shut down, laying off its entire staff. Trump’s VP nominee and maybe the most hated man in Appalachia J.D. Vance is being absolutely cooked for his Venmo transactions. There’s going to be a skibbidy movie and the director is the exact person I would have assumed would be down for this sort of thing. Hi Cribs, welcome to the Olympic Village. And, finally, apparently you can get twitter on your vape. 

And now for the full shebang…

DAZED: Salad Fingers turns 20 and now my skeleton has turned to dust

There’s a lot of “weird internet” mainstays, but I genuinely think that Salad Fingers is one of if not the most far-reaching and emblematic example of this particular style of online history. This piece in Dazed does an excellent job revisiting this era not just of the weird internet, but of “weird YouTube” specifically, where the digital uncanny reigned supreme. Despite the existential nightmare I experienced realizing that Salad Fingers is 20 years old, it was a really wonderful experience to peek back at what the article considers a pre-censorship era of digital content, in which everyone was racing to make the most unsettling or weird or gross or bizarre thing (though, Salad Fingers creator David Firth refuses to believe his series was gross or disturbing, which is hilarious to me). 

Show News: Incoming Roblox extended segment and WE WANT YOUR DRAFTS! 

A treat for you, dear reader! On the Every Post feed, we have an extended cut of Mike’s conversation with EX Research about the findings of their report on Roblox. What joys await you!! 

Also, an ask — if ye be brave, we want your drafts. Yes indeed, the posts, tweets, TikToks, Tumblr confessionals and any other digital content that you made and decided “hm, not yet. Not now.” Well, we here at Never News exclaim that THE TIME IS NOW! Read them to us!! Call us at 651-615-5007, send us a voice memo, tell us about the posts in your drafts — what are they, why haven't you posted them, et cetera. The dulcet tones of your own voice might appear on a future interstitial on the show! But never fear, you can stay anonymous if you'd like.

THE NEW YORKER: hyperlocal IG accounts have a global reach

Neighborhood meme pages are something that exist in the background of my online experience. I’ve never actually sought them out, and I’m not even sure if one exists about Logan Square, where I live — though I have to imagine that if it does exist, it’s basically the same as whatever meme pages say about Bushwick, just with fewer DJ’s. But this article presents these accounts in a delightful way: as a kind of regional bulletin board, offering to locals and non-locals alike a cross section of what life is like in, say, a newly gentrified neighborhood in Amsterdam. That last bit is what draws me in most — being able to learn the many idiosyncrasies of any given neighborhood around the world, especially ones you haven’t even visited. To me, it offers the same kind of secretive joy as eavesdropping on strangers in a cafe — information that isn’t really going to affect me, but I love to learn anyway. 

THE ATLANTIC: how the Internet chews up and spits out breaking news

There’s been quite a lot written in the last two weeks about the way that news travels online (and, *ahem* you may hear from me about this topic…soon…!!!) But the reason I chose this article beyond the others like it is that it predicted its inevitable irrelevance — this piece focuses on the attempted assassination of Donald Trump, and made a comment about how that news will be forgotten in a matter of days online. And I don’t know about you, but that certainly feels true. So much has happened since then in the online discourse that it does feel kind of wild that this news event took place, at the time of me writing this, a little less than two weeks ago. This piece approaches its subject from the darker, more troubling vantage point of conspiracy, but as ever I am intrigued that now is when we are finally discussing the way news is shared, consumed, and regurgitated on the social internet.

And that’s THAT for this week’s Never News bulletin, coming to you smack dab in the middle of summer. My final recommendation to you is to go enjoy a creamsicle, one of summer’s greatest delights. It’s a treat I often forget exists until the desire to eat one bursts forth out of an ancient part of my psyche and grabs me in its sticky clutches with such force that all I can think about is creamsicles for several days. Needless to say, I'm going to go eat a creamsicle after hitting publish on this bad boy. Farewell for now!!! 

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